The Importance of Being Annoying

(The following is a paraphrase of a conversation had last week. Participants have not been named. Except one of them is quite obviously me.)

"Yes, what can I do for you?"

"Well, I'm heading off to a malaria rich enviroment in the next twelve months and am told that malaria poses certain risks to human health. Like extreme sickness, with permenant effects including death..."

"Right."

"... And I'd like to protect myself from said risks... "

"Uh huh."

" ... I'm told that there are some medications I should take as part of my 'not dying' philosophy?"

"Like what?"

"I was kind of hoping you might tell me."

"Where abouts are you going?"

"North India."

"Where's that? Africa?"

"Close. Asia."

"Right." (Goes and has a look at extremley exciting looking MALARIAL TREATMENTS! poster) "Looks like you'll need a combination of chloroquin proguanil."

"Okay, great."

"My pleasure."

(Pause)

"Could you, uh, maybe write that down for me?"

"What?"

"Write it down. Sorry, I'm just afraid I'll forget it five minutes after walking out of this room."

"What, on paper?"

"If that's okay with you."

"Fine." (Begins to rifle across desk though, ironically, mounds of paper. Muttering something which sounds very much like 'fancy not being able to spell chloroquine.' as he does. Finally he hands across a piece of paper bearing the phrase "CHLOROQUININIE PROGUANIL.") "Okay?"

"So I can get this at any pharmacy?"

"Probably."

"Perhaps I should check with the pharmacist as I do so? Just to be sure?"

"Why don't you do that?"

"Thank you."

Handshakes across flightpaths

You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find interesting things to write about in a travel blog when you haven't travelled anywhere yet. However, I have finally gotten an itinerary for my travels which is very exciting.

One of the interesting things about round the world booking is that everyone has their own ideas about how far in advance you can book flights and confirm seats. British Airways, for example, will happily sell you tickets for every day of the next decade or so. They'll also take meal orders, tell you about all the duty free you can buy and would probably even take details on how far you want your seat belt buckle to be able to stretch and fasten so they can do some preliminary fabric stretching for you. Probably.

Other airlines, though, seem to regard the whole business of travel as a bit of a bother. And something which, in an ideal world, they'd really rather not spend their time dealing with, if it's all the same to you. They get rather peturbed if you mention anything about it to them. I have been on the phones to airlines in the past making routine enquiries and can honestly imagine the person on the other end screwing their eyes up in the vain hope that the conversation they're partaking in is all a dream and that if they're very, very quiet I'll assume that they're dead and hang up the phone.

So it's jolly nice that the world's airlines have come together and, in a moment of multinational handshaking that'd make Michael Moore proud, have conspired to help me in my quest of taking a few flights across a few timezones for just a few measly hundred pounds payment. They haven't, however, asked me which newspaper I want to read on each flight. And whether or not I want it ironed.

Rough Guide to the backside of nowhere

I was amazed today to find there is actually a Rough Guide for everything. Russia, Syria, the Agean Sea, The DaVinci Code, experimental Dentistry... They're all there. And they're all huge. Does it give us a sense of security to travel around the countries of the world with these overly weighty tomes? Pausing in the middle of our Indian carpet transaction to flick through its mighty, Bible paper pages to assure ourselves that we're not getting ripped off. Not taking that first step along the scary darkened street ahead until we're assured that a Rathaus really isn't as scary as it sounds? And at £14.99 a pop because they're all so darn massive?!

Yes, we do. And so do I. Because I really like Rough Guides. Especially the USA and Australia ones I found for £1.50 each in Oxfam... Speaking of which, is there a Rough Guide to Charity Shop Shopping out there?